For many years I’ve wrinkled my brow and ruminated about things and people and life’s events, trying to figure out how, why people do the things they do. How could somebody treat me (or someone else) so badly? I’d never do that to someone unless I didn’t like them but this person says they do care about me, what? I’ve thought if I could only “understand” it that I could somehow feel better…reason with the person…change things.
After a while, as I figured some things out, I decided that this really wasn’t MY job! I think that if someone has an issue with me, it’s their job to talk to me about it, not mine to read their mind. If they don’t tell me: Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys”. If I think there’s a problem, I can ask but if they don’t really know themselves enough to have the insight or choose to not tell me (or just act it out in some hurtful way), that’s the extent of my responsibility in the relationship.
My job is to take care of me. I have to set healthy boundaries in relationships to make sure I feel safe.
This is when I remembered Madeline Kahn in Young Frankenstein. She was the uptight fiancee of Dr Frankenstein who falls in love with the monster and in the throes of passion, sings out: “OH, SWEET MYSTERY OF LIFE, AT LAST I’VE FOUND YOU….!”
I realized I don’t really have to understand, and, in fact, there are many things that are, simply, not understandable…they make no sense to me, nor will they ever make sense to me and I don’t have to care. They are, literally, a MYSTERY. I can let it go.
In my mind’s eye I imagined a file drawer, which I call my Sweet Mysteries Of Life File and I take this un-understandable situation I’m faced with and mentally drop it in the file, lock the drawer and forget about it.
I highly recommend having your own drawer. Do what you can and forget the rest. Let go of things you can’t control and stop taking responsibility for everyone’s thoughts, feelings and actions. Take a load off and get on with enjoying your own life.